Happy Birthday!
by Zinsanity
Summary: Akiko is throwing a HUGE party for Pein. Unfortunately, the party takes a few unexpected turns, until everyone is kicked out. Everyone, that is, but Naruto. Explicit LEMON! You have been warned.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Naruto characters. Nope, not a single one. I also don't own Akiko. That's my friend's character, but since I kidnapped her, I get to use her in this story.

Other: Any pointers for my story? I'm all ears. Not literally! But please, do share. I'm here to get a bit better at writing, after all.

The door swung open and a chorus of "Happy Birthday!" met the newcomer's ears. The man that stood in the doorway had several piercings that glinted almost evilly at his welcoming committee, but his eyes had them in absolute terror, for his red eyes were aflame with anger and the red hair atop his head seemed to stand up in anticipation of the coming attack.

The girl beside him seemed to notice his rather odd behavior and poked him in the side. When the man turned to glare at her, the flames in his eyes seemed to suddenly explode with new life. He somehow managed to painfully say, while grinding his teeth, "What the hell is going on, Akiko?"

She just smiled, flicking a lock of purple hair that had managed to fall over one of her seemingly innocent lavender eyes. "I would say it's a birthday party, Pein."

"Why?"

Akiko seemed confused for a moment before snapping her fingers, pretending to finally understand. "Why, a birthday, of course!" Several from within the house snickered, and suddenly Pein's enflamed eyes were yanked from Akiko to the others, who immediately quieted.

"I thought I told you I didn't need a party," Pein muttered so that only Akiko could hear.

"Need and want are two entirely different things," Akiko explained, stepping inside the house. She caught Pein's arm and dragged him inside to the cheering and whooping of only a few; the rest of the partygoers were scared out of their minds.

Just then Akiko noticed the sign hanging above the door and snorted. Quickly realizing her mistake, she tried to push Pein in through the door completely before he was able to read the words, but she was too slow. "Happy Birthday Penis!"

"Who wrote this?!" the Akatsuki leader demanded, his eyes having caught flame once again.

Of course, everyone immediately pointed to none other than Inuzuka Kiba. His ever loyal pup, Akamaru, had the common sense to flee, but his owner was taken over by fear, unable to move or even think. "I'm going to kill you!" Pein finally yelled before launching himself at Kiba. Immediately snapping back to reality, Kiba took off in the opposite direction, and Tobi followed the two, thinking it was a game and practically screaming, "Tobi not it!"

The chase was short lived, however, because Tobi caught hold of Pein and the two tumbled, finding themselves caught in a miniature wrestling match right there in the midst of everything, Tobi soon pinning Pein.

Getting level with the brawl, Akiko started counting, screaming each number at the top of her lungs. When she reached three, both she and Tobi threw their hands into the air and cried, "Tobi is the new champion of pin the donkey to the ground!"

Having lightened up a bit from this show, the partygoers were finally able to talk amongst themselves without fear of the angsty birthday boy.

As time wore on, the people began getting even weirder. _Somebody _(**Rock Lee**) had spiked the drinks with his special "Youthfulness Potion." But Mitsu knew _exactly_ what to do! Have a "Down-all-of-the-spiked-beverages contest" of course!

That's exactly what they did! Sasuke, Itachi, and Mitsu were declared winners after they each drained a punch bowl's worth of the contaminated drink. Itachi would only stumble every once in a while, or say something he hadn't meant to, while Mitsu only seemed to get more bubbly and flirty. Unfortunately, his vision was slightly impaired, therefore making a very upset Hyuuga Neji the target of his intoxicated affections. Sasuke and Ino were extremely happy to find that Sakura was _drunk_. And in his drunken stupor, the little Uchiha seemed to go out of his way to provoke the two into talking, adding a bit of unnecessary physical contact every once in awhile.

Nearly midnight, the party had begun to slow down. Naruto had gotten aggravated with Sasuke and Lee, whom had both claimed Sakura as their own. Kiba was still avoiding Pein while Hinata stuttered answers to Deidara's questions. Shino and Gaara were glairing at the blonde Akatsuki member who had attempted to burn their eyebrows off before realizing that Gaara did not, in fact, have eyebrows, and Shino's bugs would murder him in his sleep.

Finally Akiko stood up on a table and gave a loud whistle, making the tomfoolery stop immediately. "As you all know, it is my cousin's birthday today. What you may not know is that we have a lovely cake skillfully… purchased by Naruto. Hey, blondie, bring in the drugs!"

Naruto, having finally found his hyper activity once more, carried out the tray, setting the marvelous creation onto a table. When they uncovered the cake, revealing the smooth, chocolatey frosting with neat letter spelling out a message, everyone's eyes widened in shock as they read, before someone tentatively started singing, "Happy birthday to you…" As they continued all but a few joined in, some remaining silent and other—well just Akiko—tried to stifle the traitorous giggles trying to spill from her mouth.

When the tune was fully stopping, the last quivering note sung, Akiko said, "Hurry up and make a wish!"

As Pein's eyes moved from the message painted delicately in icing, which read, "Happy Birthday Penis" to Naruto, they burned with the fiery anger of the deepest recesses of hell multiplied a thousandfold. "I wish to kill him!"

Just as the Akatsuki leader launched himself at the trembling blonde, he fell to the floor with an almighty thud, his groan of demise issuing forth before his mind went black, trapping him in his own darkness. Everyone's eyes traveled up from the unconscious man to the rose-pink eyed girl that was revealed, her white hair barely brushing over Pein's unmoving leg.

"Hana… Why'd you just kill the birthday boy?" Akiko asked.

"He was aggravating me," came her short reply before going off to her own little corner.

"O—Kay," Akiko said, holding out the 'o' longer than most people could. Putting a bright smile on her face, she added, "I guess it's time to play a game until Sleeping Beauty wakes up. How about--."

Suddenly Sasuke interrupted her and yelled, "Strip poker!" Both in and Sakura began giggling madly, probably imagining their pimp losing a battle of cards or two while they scooted closer and closer, ready to gobble him up.

"I'm game for that," Deidara spoke up, his hand sneakily crawling up Hinata's leg. When Shino and Gaara both turned their attention back to the blonde, they sent him an extra dose of evil eyes along with a column of sand and a swarm the ickiest of bugs that Shino could conjure. Hinata immediately stood, flipping him off with a small smirk before turning to everyone else, whom hadn't seen her little display, and quietly taking a spot beside Shino.

Hidan seemed to be the only one with any objections to the idea of strip poker. "Fuck that shit! If we want a whree we should get to fucking touch her!"

"Or him!" Ino and Sakura added simultaneously.

"Or him!" Sasuke repeated even louder, nodding his head in agreement.

After taking a moment out of their busy schedule to look at him oddly, everyone began thinking of different games to play. "Tobi knows, Tobi knows!" Naruto (haha, kidding!) Tobi yelled, jumping around on one leg. "Seven minutes in a closet!" he screamed, slinging the nearest closet's door open, only to find that it was already occupied by Hitomi and Sai, both of whom were losing clothes faster by the second.

Pausing just a moment in shock, Tobi slammed the door and shouted, "Seven minutes in a different closet!" As he passed by the group of innocent bystanders, he plucked Naruto out of his corner and Sasuke out of his gaggle of wh**es. The childish Akatsuki threw the two into the closet, slamming and locking the door behind himself. "Have fun!" Tobi yelled before running off.

The other partygoers, having watched in curiosity as the scene took place, suddenly burst forth with conversation. Akiko was laughing and participating in the musings as to what was taking place behind the locked closet door, but her eyes were carefully trained on that door. She could sense that something bad would happen and was soon assured that she was correct when a loud '_**bang!**_' echoed around the room. The conversations they had begun seemed to lose all importance and instantly disappeared into oblivion.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" a voice, which sounded curiously like Naruto, yelled from within the closet.

Since the silence was absolute, the entire group could hear Sasuke's reply. "C'mon baby. Don't be such a prude. I just wanted to strip you down and lick you all over and…" His voice trailed off, but the short silence was followed by a '_**thwap!**_'

"Why'd you hit me? I just wanted a little taste!" Sasuke whined.

The blonde screamed back, "Baka! Don't go around licking people down there!"

"But-" Fortunately, Sasuke never had a chance to finish that thought because Akiko swung the door open to reveal the awkward position the two were in. Sasuke had one hand clutching his cheek, already imprinted with Naruto's fist. His other hand still managed to pin Naruto to the wall. Sasuke's clothes were scattered about the closet, and the sight of him just in boxers seemed to drive Ino and Sakura mad.

Yanking Naruto out by the collar, Akiko glared at Sasuke. "Down boy," she very nearly growled before slamming the closet door shut. Making her way to his two drooling fans, she dragged them to the closet, opened the door, and gave them a healthy shove into the dark, where Sasuke was waiting. Without further adieu, Akiko slammed the door once more, making it rattle on its hinges, before locking it up tight. When she turned back to face the crowd her eyes were blazing with red hot passion and the partygoers were reminded just how much she and her cousin Pein were alike.

"I think the party's over," Kiba dared to speak up. Hearing him speak woke Akiko from her trancelike state, soothing her just a bit.

The general consensus seemed to be in Kiba's favor and everyone began spilling from the house and into the street. Each time someone left, Akiko visibly relaxed, until everyone had evacuated and she was as calm as could be. That is, until she heard a noise from the kitchen.

She made her way to the kitchen, where Naruto was sitting down at one of the chairs situated around the table. Looking over her shoulder, Akiko gathered a bit of much needed courage before taking a cautious step towards the slightly scrambled blonde.

"Sorry about that. Ya know, making you go in the closet. I honestly didn't think Tobi was quite that insane, but I guess I was a little wrong," Akiko spoke up, and Naruto's head swiveled so that he was staring up at her, a big, goofy, signature smile adorning his boyish face.

"It's not like it hasn't happened before," he assured, then seemed to understand the implications of what he'd said. "Oh, shit, I didn't mean it like that."

Akiko just started laughing hysterically, flopping into a chair of her own. "So you and Sasuke are usually in the closet?" she asked once she had regained enough sense to calm down a tad bit, before a new fit of giggles took over.

"It's not _**that**_ funny," Naruto insisted, rolling his eyes, but the smile never left his lips.

_Those kissable luscious lips that you just wanna rape over and over again._ Akiko thought to herself, the only thought able to beat its way through her muddled brain. A blush rose over her cheeks, and she immediately tried to hide from the boy's line of sight, before her traitorous cheeks gave away her stupid, pointless, unreturned feelings.

Suddenly, Naruto's face was up close and personal with her own, and she had to force out the words, "I have a personal bubble, Naruto, and you totally just invaded it."

Of course, when does Uzamaki Naruto ever listen to anyone? Yeah, that's right! Never! Instead, he just seemed to get closer, his bright blue eyes focused on one spot on her face. Akiko was trying to figure out exactly what part of her face he had found so much interest in, but quickly realized it had been her cheek, where a bit of birthday cake had gotten stuck, when his pink tongue lashed out, lapping up the morsel of food, before retreating back into the dark, wet cave.

Her cheeks felt as if they had completely caught fire by the time Naruto leaned back into his chair, a silly grin contorting his features. "What was that for?" Akiko asked as soon as she had found her voice, although it was rather shaky and weak.

_Damn, I missed her lips._ Naruto thought to himself before saying out loud, "Didn't your parents ever tell you not to waste food?"

Akiko's lips tilted up into a grin and she could safely say that her cheeks were not as red as a tomato any longer. "No. But if that is the case, then…" She trailed off, leaning closer to the blonde. His eyes widened when she licked the corner of his mouth, wiping clean the remnants of said cake.

"Hot damn," they both said simultaneously. Catching the eyes of the other, they could both identify the fire burning deep inside the pupils… The lust burned bright, but an even hotter love flamed up, surrounding and drowning out the lust. Before either could think about what was about to happen or what the consequences to their actions may be, Akiko and Naruto both leaned forward, pressing their lips tightly together.

The match seemed to be made in heaven, as the lips tangled and coiled against one another. The fit was impeccable, simply adding fuel to the fire. Without a care in the world, Akiko lifted herself onto Naruto's lap, straddling his waist and wrapping her fingers in his blonde hair.

Naruto seemed to have the same problem of keeping his hands to himself, for they had started in Akiko's purple hair and began traveling down the lengths of the locks before venturing off when the hair ended at her waist. As soon as his hands were on her waist, though, they were rubbing and squeezing, forcing very soft sounds of consent from her.

Just as Akiko started to slowly shift her hips down into Naruto's groin, the blonde pulled away to breathe deeply. But when his lips abandoned hers, she didn't give up the fight, instead pushing down the orange collar and claiming the smooth flesh of his neck with her lips to leave burning kisses everywhere they went. "God, if you don't stop…" Naruto muttered huskily, letting out a moan or two occasionally as he let her do her work.

"If I don't stop…" Akiko whispered right below his ear, giving the skin there a quick nip before going back to his already slightly bruised neck.

"I won't be able to control myself." As if to prove a point, Naruto shifted himself so that his arousal was prodding the inside of her thigh.

A moan of approval escaped Akiko's lips and she pulled away completely this time, to give Naruto a wide smile, surveying the mutilation of his neck. The once pale skin was now an array of mostly purplish colors, marking precisely where her teeth had been. "Who said you had to control yourself?" she asked, about to put her lips to a particular hickey that didn't quite meet to her approval.

Naruto quickly stopped her with a quick, very small tug of her hair. "Could we go to somewhere more private? Pein will kill me if he catches us like this."

Biting her lip to hold in a groan of protest, Akiko ground her hips down hard against Naruto's erection before picking herself up and off of his lap. As she made her way out of the kitchen, Naruto quickly got up, following far enough behind just to be able to watch her shift her hips as she walked.

Akiko made her way to the elevator, pressing the button that would lead them to her room on the thirtieth floor. As soon as the elevator's doors were open, however, Naruto couldn't seem to keep his hands to himself. Instead they were attached to her butt, pulling her closer while squeezing softly. He had her pressed against one of the walls, slowly lifting her up while her legs wrapped instinctively around his waist.

When the elevator stopped at the right floor, Naruto slowly backed out, careful not to drop Akiko, who was now clinging tightly to the dumb blonde that had never been known for his amazing coordination. "So where is your room?" he asked, looking down the hall at the many doors.

"That one," Akiko replied, pointing at one of them. Naruto immediately began running towards the door, eager… very eager, to finish what they had begun. Opening the door with one hand, his balance suddenly gave way and they tumbled to the floor, squealing and laughing. The sudden fall found them one atop the other, Akiko having landed on the top. "I like the view from up here," she said, giving Naruto a teasing smile.

"Enjoy it while it lasts," the blonde replied before making a sudden move so that he was the one in control and Akiko was staring up at him from this new angle. And suddenly the two were at it again, Naruto's fingers dancing up her sides, massaging small circles everywhere he touched while she was helpless, only able to let out small moans in approval. Her own hands worked his shirt up a bit before just her fingertips slipped into his pants, sliding them up and down. "No teasing," he whispered in her ear, nipping at it lightly.

Leaning forward so that she was staring directly into his eyes, their noses barely brushing as Akiko let out a small smirk, she shifted and licked at each of his 'whiskers' giggling to herself as she did so. Naruto could only chuckle at her silliness before lifting himself from the ground, dragging her up into his arms as he did. Still giggling madly, Akiko was tossed onto her bed, seemingly as light as a rag doll to this strong blonde ninja before her.

Then Naruto was on top of her once more, but this time he was pushing her shirt up inch by inch, covering the newly exposed skin in kisses and licks and nibbles. As his lips finally reached the skin just beneath Akiko's bra, he looked up at her, sliding a fingertip beneath the fabric to lift it up just a bit. When Akiko just gave a very small moan as answer, he smiled and turned all of his concentration back to the task at hand, removing only part of the bra to leave several playful kisses and licks before replacing the article of clothing and continuing to move up.

As Naruto's teeth scraped against her body, right above one of her breasts, Akiko pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it somewhere out of the way before taking Naruto's face in her hands and leaning down so that their lips were pressed together, ravaging each other with a wild fervor. With one arm wrapped around his neck, Akiko slid her other hand down his chest and stomach before stopping on the waistband of his pants. His hips shifted, rubbing against her hands while Naruto smiled into her mouth.

Akiko's hand slid upward, beneath his shirt, tugging the material up with it. With a groan of disapproval, Naruto started grinding his hips hard against hers, forcing a moan from her lips and into his mouth. As her soft, cold hands passed over his chest, Akiko tweaked Naruto's nipples, making him give up a moan of his own. He smiled before moving his hands over her breasts, then under the bra, giving her nipples a tweak of their own. Her body immediately reacted by arching off the bed and against his warm body. His shirt lay somewhere off to the side, soon followed by a bra and two pairs of pants, the only clothes keeping the two from going at each other like animals in heat were Akiko's underwear and Naruto's boxers.

Trailing ever so soft butterfly kisses up Akiko's inner thigh, the blonde stopped right before reaching the offending garment. His teeth took hold of the elastic while he looked up at her, his eyes pleading for permission. Grinding herself against him hard, Naruto understood rather quickly and tugged the soaked through underwear to Akiko's ankles, before dropping them in the growing pile of clothes. From there he leaned back on his legs, staring down on her completely bare form while she blushed a tomato red. He had never seen anything or anyone more beautiful in his entire life.

He couldn't contain the beast trying to break out of its prison consisting of his boxers and decided to let it have its fun, pulling the garment off. Akiko's blush, which had just begun fading, suddenly sprang back full force.

As Naruto leaned back over her body, he gave her a reassuring smile, knowing that it was her first time. But before he did anything, he had to know. "You know that this makes you my girl, right?" When Akiko nodded, he lifted her legs around his waist, positioning himself right outside the entrance into her innocence. Whispering, almost hoping that Akiko wouldn't hear, Naruto said, "God, I love you." Her eyes widened in shock, but before a word could fly from her lips, a small cry replaced it as he thrust his body into hers.

Arms holding tight, as if to transfer just a bit of the pain from her lower half to somewhere else, she let herself get used to being penetrated before shifting her hips just a bit, indicating that she was ready. Still wary, Naruto hesitated a moment, and, getting impatient, Akiko started to move herself, pushing him in deeper.

Neither of them could keep up. The cries of absolute pleasure, the feel of hot flesh against even hotter flesh, a steady rhythm, moan after moan. Hearts pounding, breath going in and out of their lungs faster than ever before, the cocoon of tension resting in the pit of Naruto's stomach, indicating his need to release soon, and Akiko's body clenching, her back arching, as it got ready to do the same.

Matching cries, very nearly loud enough to be screams, issued forth from their lips at the same time as they came for the very first time. Panting, calming down, listening to their partner's racing heart beat, the two lay there, still fitted together like the pieces of the most well matched puzzle. Naruto was the first to regain any form of calm, pulling out with a groan. He crawled beneath the covers, pulling Akiko's body into the warmth with him, holding her aching body close.

"I love you, too," she whispered, closing her heavy eyelids while laying her head against Naruto's shoulder.

Only able to give her a soft kiss upon the lips, he lay back against the pillow, their erratic breathing slowing into the steady rhythm of those lost in dreams.

The sun streamed in through the windows, tracing and accenting every little detail of the scene. Akiko's purple hair was sprawled across the pillow and a peaceful smile graced her lips. Her eyes were open, but she didn't want to move. Not only was she sore as all hell, but staying wrapped in Naruto's arms, their bare bodies fitted together so perfectly, was like being in heaven.

Suddenly the blonde started moaning lightly in his sleep and Akiko smiled to herself, moving more into his tightening embrace, her back pressed as close to his chest as it would get. "Akiko," Naruto whispered. "Not right now, Akiko. You've completely worn me out."

Akiko giggled a moment before replying, "I'm not doing anything."

"Very funny," Naruto said sarcastically, opening his eyes to get a look at her. After all, how could she say she wasn't doing anything if she kept licking over his face? What he saw when he opened his eyes made him scream, leaping from the bed. When he landed, he found that his entire body was bare, out in the open for Akiko's scrutiny. Curling into himself, so that she couldn't see everything, he asked, "Why didn't you tell me your dog was licking me?"

Akiko turned over to survey his plight, giggling to herself at his shyness. "I did tell you," she replied, reaching her hand out to him and helping him back into bed. Just as she leaned forward to bury her face into his shoulder there was a loud bang issuing from the floor below, followed by a drawn out scream of rage.

Akiko pulled away, wondering who was up so early screaming at the top of their lungs. Figuring that Pein had brought home some poor unsuspecting victim, she climbed out of bed, rolling her eyes while explaining, "I'm going to go see what's wrong."

Just as she was about to open the door, Naruto's strong arms wrapped around her middle and his mouth landed beside her ear. "Just where do you think you're going?" he whispered.

"Downstairs to find out whom Pein is killing now," Akiko replied, trying to break free.

"Not yet, you don't. I'm not going to let whoever is down there see you like this," Naruto insisted, starting to pull her back to the now empty bed. "I can barely look at you and keep myself under control. If some other guy saw you…"

"With a small smile and slight giggle, Akiko managed to use her ninja skills to duck out of his arms and pick up some of her clothes, sliding them on quickly before taking her place at the door. "Is that better?" she teased, reaching for the knob. However, Naruto quickly pulled on his usual garb and joined her at the door. Opening it, the two invaded the once silent hallway.

When the elevator arrived for them and the couple stepped inside, Akiko commented, "You know, that sounded an awful lot like a guy's scream."

Naruto seemed to think for just a moment before yelling, "Ew… That's sick!" just as the elevator opened to reveal to them the chaotic scene that had attracted their attention. Sasuke was clad scantily in his boxers, which had become oh-so-familiar to everyone in attendance of the party the previous night. He was being watched by both Ino and Sakura, their eyes glassed over, concentrating on the movement of his body instead of the furious words issuing forth from his mouth.

When he spotted both Naruto and Akiko, his expression changed from pure hatred to anger combined with a tad bit of embarrassment. "Why was I locked in a closet with them?" he asked, trying to force his anger down.

"They wanted you, you wanted them. It's simple math, so we got the right answer," Akiko replied, quickly thinking of an answer that might appease him if only for a moment.

"You tried to rape me so she locked you in there with them," Naruto explained with a smirk.

In's and Sakura's eyes widened and they raced to the door, forgetting to leave Sasuke's clothes, which they were still wearing when they left.

"You--!" a trail of semi-intelligible words spewed from Sasuke's mouth and right before he threw a punch, Sasuke suddenly collapsed, no more dangerous than a sleeping baby.

Hana stood there, staring at the unconscious boy with a blank look. Looking up to meet first Naruto then Akiko's eyes, she answered their unasked question. "He was bothering me." That said, she left to go back from whence she came.

Rolling her eyes at Naruto, Akiko gave him a sickeningly sweet smile. "I'll go take a shower while you get rid of the dead body." She hurried off, leaving Naruto completely stunned.

"Hey, I'll join you!" Naruto called before taking off after her, needing to escape before either Sasuke woke up or Pein decided to make his debut.


End file.
